Don’t pretend you understood something you didn’t

Photo by Elissa Garcia on Unsplash

The advice…

It’s okay to ask questions. So don’t pretend you are understanding something when you have no clue what’s going on. The result might be more embarrassing.

Where it’s coming from…

We’ve all been there. I’m talking about that situation where you feel you should say you know something, even if you don’t. Like when a teacher in class talks about something - and you have no clue what she is saying but you’re scared to ask for fear of “looking stupid” in front of the entire class.

Or when you are around a dinner table and someone talks about something you can’t quite grasp, but you keep nodding just because, again, you don’t want to look stupid.

And while there are times when you can get away with it and no one notices that you were clueless the whole time… there are times when you get caught because you are asked a direct question - and the blank face reveals your bluff.

If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that if there is a word or a concept I’m not getting - in class, in a press conference, or in a conversation amongst friends or colleagues - chances are I’m not alone and there is someone else who’s just as lost as I am. If I am the only “listener” and I ask a question, more often than not the other person is more than happy to elaborate and explain.

And on the one-off chance that I get the (must-I-say condescending) reaction “I can’t believe you don’t know” or “I can’t believe you haven’t heard”…. It’s okay to say that you have not heard or did not know.

So, whether it’s a concept explained in class or a joke between friends - it’s okay to raise your hand and say: “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite understand.” Don’t allow anyone to make you feel stupid because you are asking a question to learn.

You’d be stupid not to ask, right?