You can walk away.
Photo by Dorota Semla on Pexels
The advice…
You can walk away. One step at a time… and you’ll get out. You’ll get there.
Where it’s coming from…
This is a message to very specific women, who have a very specific reality. The message is simple. It is obvious to many. But, I know from speaking to some, it is not obvious to them.
You are not seeing things clearly because you’re standing too close to your reality to see the bigger picture.
But the reality remains what it is: A man who hits you – does not love you. A man who wants to break you – does not love you. A man who wants to humiliate you, control you and make you feel small and worthless - does not love you.
A man who breaks your ties with other important people in your life… does not love you.
No matter how much he says he does. No matter how much he begs you to believe him. No matter how many big, ‘sweet’ gestures follow the abuse. He does not love you.
And you deserve to be loved.
It is not your job to save him. If you really want to help him – you can do it from afar by calling help for him or pointing him towards the right path – not by being under his fist, or control.
If he does not want to change – it is on him. Not you.
It’s okay to walk away.
It does not mean you are abandoning him. It does not make you mean or ‘a bitch’… it just makes you brave. Because walking away can be difficult. Very difficult.
And he knows it.
But you have a choice – even if you think you don’t. There is support out there.
You deserve to be loved. And the first step is loving yourself. Just ask yourself: If my sister, friend, or daughter were living the reality I’m in…. would I justify it?
Just as you would want that sister, friend or daughter to walk away from a life of misery and abuse… you deserve the same.
The choice is yours.
Not his.
Yours.
The people who love you - your parents, sisters, brothers, friends - are waiting to support you. They feel helpless. They want to see you happy. They are hoping, praying, that you see what they see.
But the first step has to be yours. After that first step - others will walk with you.
Finding help
Walking away from an abusive relationship can be difficult. But there is help. Here are some contact numbers:
Support Line - 179
Police Emergency - 112
Police GBDV Unit - 2294 2717/77
Victim Support Malta - 2122 8333
SOAR Support Group - 2180 8981
Women’s Rights Foundation - 8006 2149
Note: This message applies to anyone in an abusive relationship - men or women. But, as we know for a fact from data, this form of abuse impacts women more than men.