Holding on and letting go… Artist Maira Kalman on what women hold
Photos from mairakalman.com
Some months ago I was thinking about the stuff women carry – in their bags and life. I searched the words ‘things women carry’ and MAIRA KALMAN’s website popped up with her book ‘Women Holding Things’. I loved the concept of her work. Sometime later, I was listening to a podcast and her book was quoted. Life was speaking to me. I sent an email requesting an interview. A few days later I received a reply. She accepted in a very kind-worded email. I was thrilled that this internationally acclaimed American artist and best-selling author would dedicate time to my little passion project. I thanked her for the opportunity to share her voice with you readers. Here is what she told me.
“Hold on”.
That is the powerful message that touched me deeply from Maira Kalman’s work dedicated to women. Because those two words imply that women are “holding”. And that sometimes they struggle to keep holding. They need strength to hold on.
But there are times when they just need to let go.
Oh, how I can relate.
“I think you can look at what you hold and make decisions,” says Maira adding: “It might be a question of editing. What you can and cannot endure any longer. So you make a decision: Do I want to hold this relationship? This work? This schedule? This dish? Of course, making a decision to change something brings about an equal number of new questions. Clarity can only last so long. But that is once again the point,” says Maira.
On her website, she says that Women Holding Things was a project that started during the coronavirus pandemic. I ask her what sparked it.
“Two big things happened. During Covid, my son Alex and I were in a house upstate. And at the same time, there was the looming terror of Trump possibly being elected. We wanted to do something that would help stop him.
“One day, we went to a farmers’ market and I saw a woman carrying a huge cabbage. I stopped her and took a photograph. That was the impetus. I realised how many photos I have of women holding things. And how much time I give to thinking about caring too much, caring too little and all we carry as well. We decided that we would self-publish a book and the money would go to Voting Rights Organizations. And so the idea was born.”
“I realised how many photos I have of women holding things. And how much time I give to thinking about caring too much, caring too little and all we carry as well.”
- Maira Kalman
So in the spring of 2021, Maira and her son created a small, limited-edition booklet which featured select recent paintings by Maira, accompanied by her insightful and deeply personal commentary. The booklet sold out and the Kalmans expanded that original publication into the book it is now.
Women Holding Things includes bright, bold images featured in the booklet as well as an additional 67 new paintings highlighted by anecdotes, recollections, and ruminations.
Most are portraits of women. Some are famous like Virginia Woolf, Sally Hemings, Hortense Cezanne and Gertrude Stein. But many are ordinary people and include Kalman’s family members.
I ask her about the depiction of ordinary people who – compared to the famous ones who live ‘big lives’ - might not recognise the weight they carry. The world does not see it.
“There are many people on this earth who are not famous. Most of the people we know - family and friends - spend a lifetime doing what they do with no great acclaim. That is the essence of life: doing the little things day after day. Finding meaning in that occupation. Everyone has to have something to do, otherwise you go mad. It is always a question of finding a balance between it all,” she says.
The women she features hold a range of objects. Some are mundane like balloons, a cup, a whisk, a chicken, a hat. Others are abstract like dreams and disappointments, sorrow, regret, joy and love. Some hold a grudge, hold up, hold her own.
What is this all about? In the book she describes it as “a love song to women and at times everyone (as exhausted as we all are from holding everything)”.
She writes: “What do women hold? The home and the family. And the children and the food. The friendships. The work. The work of the world. And the work of being human. The memories. And the troubles. And the sorrows and the triumphs. And the love. Men do as well, but not quite in the same way.”
I tell her that sometimes women feel they are not doing enough. They do not see how much they are holding – it is invisible to them, but the weight is there.
In the book she speaks about how women “may be exhausted from holding things and be disheartened. And even weep if you are very emotional. Which could be anyone on any day. With good reason.”
I share a recent personal experience: I just cried like a baby because I was tired. Yes, tired. I felt like I was being silly as it’s not like I was saving the world. I felt I did not have “good reason”.
Her reply was gentle and forgiving:
“No matter who you are or what you do, there is the essential issue of being a human being. With vast complexities of feelings. Not every emotion has to be understood or categorized. There is the weather. And your mood. And something someone said. And something you said. And rushing to get someplace. A million things enter into a day. And moods change like the weather.
“You can't stay forever reflecting on things. You have to get on with it. But you are subject to a million questions and answers and wrong answers and more questions. It can be quite confusing and tiring. And definitely make you cry,” she says.
“No matter who you are or what you do, there is the essential issue of being a human being. With vast complexities of feelings. Not every emotion has to be understood or categorized.”
I ask her about her message of hope. Her message that reads: “then there is the next moment and the next day and... hold on”.
She quotes Emily Dickinson who wrote that “hope is the thing with feathers”. Then Maira adds: “The inexplicable ability to see the darkness, to accept it and to banish it - if only for a while. Of course without hope, things would be, well… hopeless.”
Where does she derive her strength, her hope?
“I derive my strength from many things. Work. Family. Walking. Looking. Some days I have strength from that. Other days, it is a dismal flop. We are all inconsistent. I have come to accept and even enjoy this aspect of life. Not to be too rigid in the expectations. Sometimes it goes well. Other times not. There is no way around that. But for me, it is important to keep on working at whatever you love or need to do,” she says.
Her words send shivers down my spine. Because I recognised the uncomfortable truth in them.
“Not to be rigid with expectations” – Oh how expectations can weigh us down. How letting go of them and of what we think we should be and do, can lighten our load.
Holding things is important… but so is letting go.
What are your views?
What did you think about this article? Is there a topic you feel passionate about and would like to talk about? If so you can comment below or send an email on hello@womanunclouded.com so we can discuss how to get your voice heard.