‘This is so me’. The comfort (and danger) of feeling understood.
Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash
One of the best feelings in the world is knowing you're not alone - feeling connected, feeling understood. As human beings, we crave that so deeply that sometimes we see it even when it’s not really there.
I recently came across something called the Barnum effect - a term in psychology that describes how we often believe vague, general statements are specifically about us. Even when they could apply to just about anyone, we take them personally.
Think about horoscopes. They often say things like: ‘You’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, but you're stronger than you realise, and a breakthrough is coming.’ It sounds personal and comforting, right? But the truth is, most of us - especially women juggling careers, family, relationships, and everything in between - can relate to that feeling of overwhelm. And yet we still feel like it was written just for us.
The Barnum effect tends to work especially well when the message feels positive, seems to come from someone who “knows what they’re talking about,” and appears tailored to our unique experience. So when a wellness influencer says: “You're finally stepping into your power - this is your season,” it hits us in a soft spot. We want to believe it.
We are surrounded by these messages
These days, it’s not just horoscopes doing this. Social media and digital marketing are full of similar messages. You scroll through Instagram and see a post that says: “If you’ve been feeling unseen lately, this is your sign to shine.” You pause because yes, you have been feeling unseen. You feel understood. But so have a million other women reading that same post.
It sneaks into health and wellness content too. Maybe you’re exhausted, moody, and your sleep is off. You see a reel that says: “Ladies, if you’re over 40 and feeling this way, it’s probably early menopause.” Suddenly, you start to wonder if that’s what’s going on. But it might just be that you’ve had too many late nights, early mornings, and not enough help.
“While a lot of this might be harmless, it becomes a concern when it starts to shape how we make decisions or view ourselves or others.”
This effect isn’t just limited to inspirational quotes or wellness advice - it’s also embedded in how AI curates content for us. The more we engage, the more we’re shown things that feel eerily specific. But that’s the algorithm doing its job, not some deeper truth revealing itself.
While a lot of this might be harmless, it becomes a concern when it starts to shape how we make decisions or view ourselves or others. That’s why it’s so important to stay aware - and help our children do the same. We need to recognise when we’re projecting our own meaning onto something generic, and when we’re being subtly influenced to believe in a message just because it feels comforting.
The antidote? Ask questions. Be curious. Check facts. And when in doubt, talk to someone who knows: whether that’s a doctor, a therapist, or a trusted friend who’s been through something similar.
Feeling tired and emotionally raw doesn’t always mean something big is happening inside your body. Sometimes, it just means you’ve been carrying too much for too long.
And that’s okay. That’s real. And that’s where the truth lives - not in vague promises, but in honest reflection and genuine connection.
What do you think?
Is there a woman-related subject you feel needs to be ‘unclouded’, spoken about, or explained? Is there something you feel passionately about? If so, share your views… or share your story - to inspire and help other women.
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