‘No’ is a complete sentence

The advice…

‘No’ is a complete sentence.

Where it’s coming from…

Personal boundaries are important. Knowing your limits. Knowing how much you can and are willing to give before falling down the resentfulness rabbit hole and getting overwhelmed. Respecting yourself, and your time, enough to be able to draw a line in the name of wellbeing and self-respect.

But it is not always easy to be able to say ‘no’ without fear or guilt - fear of not being liked and the guilt of letting others down.

I recently came across the quote: ‘No’ is a complete sentence. It was quoted by American actress Jane Fonda as she was interviewed in the podcast Wiser Than Me. She was quoting American novelist Anne Lamott. A Google search revealed that this was the name of a book by Megan LaBoutillier published in 1995. Clearly, this message has been around for a long time. But I don’t think it’s being drilled into us enough.

This is not about saying ‘no’ for the sake of it or “to be difficult”. It’s about turning down what you know, in your heart and gut, is not good for you. Turning away from what you really do not want to do, what is really not ‘you’ - without feeling obliged.

This is very powerful advice on many levels. You don’t want to have sex? Just say ‘no’. You don’t want to try an alcoholic drink? Just say ‘no’. You don’t feel up to accepting an invitation to dinner? Just say ‘no’. You don’t feel a job works for you? Just say ‘no’. You feel exhausted and overwhelmed and don’t feel up to hosting yet another Sunday lunch, playdate or friends’ get-together. Just say ‘no’.

It’s okay.

Friends and loved ones will understand. Anyone else can just lump it.