Did my makeover, takeover? WEEK FOUR
This is the final week of a four-week experiment to understand if, by feeling more polished and groomed, I will feel better about myself. Will people pick up on this? Will they treat me differently? And, if they do, is it because of the way I look or because of the way I feel? Will I get “addicted” to this feeling? Will the makeover, takeover?
These four weeks turned out very differently to what I expected. I imagined that, by having my hair and nails done, I would feel much better than I actually felt. But, on the other hand, there were personal lessons learnt, which I did not expect.
By the fourth week I was struggling to keep up with the commitment of ‘trying harder’. And, if I had to break it down, I think it’s because this is not me. And by me I’m not just talking about my looks. I mean me all-round. Let me try to explain.
The other day while stuck in traffic I came across a podcast in which the ‘halo effect’ was being discussed in the context of ‘the beauty bias’. The halo effect is a psychological term that means that once you perceive someone as good or bad, all other traits follow. Since beauty is considered a good trait, if someone is perceived as beautiful, then people assume their other traits must also be good: that they are successful, nice, and happy. But we know that this is not always the case.
But as I heard the psychologist talk about this, it got me thinking. Could this be it? The reason why my little experiment did not really make the big difference I thought it would? Although my ‘outside’ looked more polished, I was still the same person. My days were still the same. So was I expecting my ‘better’ looks to somehow rub off onto my life - the halo effect in reverse?
More time for myself - was great
Professor Paulann Grech, from the University of Malta’s Department of Mental Health, helps me understand. The question I asked her was: Does taking more care of your physical appearance make you feel better about yourself and your life?
“Well, the answer is ‘in most cases, yes... but it comes with a disclaimer in bold font’. Why is this so? Primarily, the act of looking after yourself and your appearance often enhances self-esteem and confidence. Feeling as if you look like a million dollars contributes to a positive self-perception, which is amazing fuel to your wellbeing-o-meter.
“Affording more time to looking after yourself equates to self-love and respect. In fact, it has a therapeutic tinge to it” - Paulann Grech
“Similarly, affording more time to looking after yourself equates to self-love and respect. In fact, it has a therapeutic tinge to it. Grooming can be meditative: a few moments dedicated to yourself, ‘present moment awareness’ - as you focus on the task or just let a professional focus on you. Bliss! If it is established as a routine, it can also serve as an emotional vent, thus contributing to psychological stability,” continues Paulann who is also a writer interested in writing about life from a mental health perspective on her Facebook page.
“Finally, taking care of your appearance can foster a sense of autonomy and mastery, as you exert control over how you present yourself to the world. There is also a popular perception that a well-groomed appearance is associated with professionalism, competence and overall positive social perceptions, especially in the occupational realm.
“The reason for this may be tied to the issue of control that has been mentioned previously. Shortly, if you are seen as being in control of your appearance and grooming routine, you may be perceived as probably being more able to be in control in other areas. And of course, there is also the quite obvious fact that first looks do count, and a smart appearance often seems to make quite a hit when it comes to interactions with others,” she says.
Me in colour
Paulann’s words resonate with me. I did enjoy the moments of being still, while at the hairdresser or nail technician. And I liked what I saw after each appointment. But the truth was that, when I stepped out of the salon, I was still me: no more or no less in control of my life as Week 3 clearly showed. To quote the movie The Mirror Has Two Faces - which I happened to watch again this week - wearing more makeup, having my hair dyed and my nails painted was just “me in colour”.
“Wearing more makeup, having my hair dyed and my nails painted was just “me in colour.”
As you might recall from Week 1, my grooming routine is usually limited to getting my hair dyed every three weeks. For the purposes of this experiment I got my eyebrows ever-so-subtly tinted, had my nails done and swapped my specs for contact lenses. I also had my hair blow dried weekly.
If I had to be honest, having neatly blow dried hair (as opposed to being at the mercy of the weather for a good hair day) did make a difference. Another feel-good feeling was brought on by the clothes I wore and, as you may remember from Week 2, I made an effort to wear my favourite clothes - which I learnt are the ones I feel comfortable and me in.
The cost
But this all came at a cost: in terms of time and money. By the end of the four weeks I spent €226 on my looks that involved dying of roots and weekly blow-dries (I missed one because my daughter was sick), two nail appointments, one eyebrow appointment and a months-worth of daily contact lenses.
Then there was the time. The time of the appointments and the to-and-fro messaging to find slots to fit in those appointments between stuff. I found this to be the most stressful part: the time. The having to fit in yet something else in between work, extracurriculars, finding time for this blog, stuff around the house, etc.
At this point in my life - and you never know, things might change in future - I’d rather reduce the to-do list instead of increase it. Time at home with no where to rush to, is priceless to me right now. I don’t like to feel all over the place.
“At this point in my life - and you never know, things might change in future - I’d rather reduce the to-do list instead of increase it. Time at home with no where to rush to, is priceless to me right now.”
Paulann goes on to talk about the few downsides to looking after yourself more, which may be worth considering. “At the top of the list, there is the fact that grooming can be costly in terms of time, energy and financial resources, and so it can easily become an irritating chore or a burden. This is especially so if it is not enjoyable. Whilst some of us truly enjoy putting on make-up every morning, for others it can be a complete waste of 15 precious minutes. The same applies to hairdresser appointments and nail and beauty sessions.
“The key here is to attempt to strike a comfortable balance between available resources, including your patience. Ask yourself: How far am I willing to go? Is this sustainable? Is this really helping me to feel better or is it just damping my overall wellbeing? Lastly, a healthy self-image shouldn’t rely on appearance only. While shiny hair, gelled nails and impeccable make-up can put a sparkle in your eyes, it doesn’t really make up for an unhealthy lifestyle and unresolved psychological turmoil,” the says.
The verdict
Over the years I have looked in awe at women and mummies who are so put together. And yes, I admit, my mind makes the assumption that they have perfect lives. I tried being like that - more groomed, that is. And now I know this is not for me - not entirely and all the time - at least not at this point in my life. And it’s okay. I am happy sticking to my previous routine.
So, did my makeover, takeover? The answer is ‘no’. The nails will come off, the eyebrow tinting will stop and my hair appointments will go back to once a month. Because this is enough for me. Because keeping up with weekly appointments is too stressful at this point in my life. Did people treat me differently? Apart from the occasional ‘you look different’ or ‘I didn’t recognise you’ - I did not feel a difference. What I enjoyed, however, are the many conversations about ‘looks’ and the cost of ‘looking our best’ that my little experiment spurred with friends and colleagues.
One thing did stick, however: wearing clothes I like. So maybe, after all, this little experiment was the nudge I needed to get over my obsession of keeping my good clothes for ‘special occasions’ - and enjoy them every day.
Every day.
I think that is key here.
Every day I want to be a calm version of me. And that version need not be perfect.