How much should we spend on our kid’s clothes?
Photo by Marjorie Bertrand on Unsplash
A couple of years ago I made a mistake I will never make again. A new season was approaching. Spring-summer was shifting into autumn-winter. My daughter had outgrown her winter clothes. She needed new ones.
I figured, a little girl needs: vests, leggings, warm tops, long-sleeved t-shirts, cosy hoodies, socks, tights, dresses and a jacket. So I made an online order that included all of the above.
Except my daughter just wanted to wear dresses. Only. I was lucky to get tights on her that winter. So those leggings and cosy tops – money down the drain.
But, as I mentioned, the lesson was learnt. I learnt that little girls will wear what little girls will wear. I learnt to pick my battles: While I insisted on her wearing tights and a long-sleeved dress on a cold winter day, it did not have to be leggings and I allowed her to wear her red shiny shoes to the park if she wanted to.
I learnt to allow her to wear what makes her happy (within reason): because these tiny clothes won’t fit her next season. Because I’d rather she wears the clothes she loves and enjoys them.
Because she was asserting herself. In hindsight, I smile when I come across one of those photos of her in a princess dress sitting in the soil.
This - as in, children’s clothes - is a conversation that crops up with friends and fellow mummies every now and again. The conversation usually centres around where we get the clothes from and how much we are willing to spend on children’s clothes: because, at least in the case of younger kids, they grow so fast. And because the clothes - branded or not - often end up stained or ripped.
I’ve learned that, just like anything in life, there are many different ways to perceive clothes: On one extreme there are those parents who like to opt for good quality designer wear for themselves and their children. Then, there are those who thrive on hand-me-downs and would rather spend as little as possible on what they perceive to be temporary items.
Hand-me-downs are an interesting subject. Not everyone “accepts” them. One mother of three said: “What we spend on clothes has really changed in the last few years. When I was a new mummy, I was really enjoying shopping for my eldest and choosing what I wanted to dress her in myself. There were bags of hand-me-downs passed down from older cousins but I barely took any. Oh how this has changed in the last years! So thankful for hand-me-downs now, it’s like my practical mind finally took over.”
Another mother said: “I am ever so grateful for hand-me-downs... for my son I always had to buy a new wardrobe every season since he had no one to inherit from and it's quite an expense. Now I buy the bare minimum for him because most of his clothes end up torn as he falls constantly… I never really understood how people choose to buy designer or expensive clothes for their kids, when they grow out of them so fast.”
Many parents shared these views. They preferred to buy new clothes for their firstborn but then warmed up to hand-me-downs. This could be a financial issue, as more kids mean more expenses. But it could also be a matter of them “learning” a simple fact: kids destroy clothes.
“I’d rather my kids have fun and get dirty, than stress about how much an outfit costs.”
One mother said that having branded clothes put too much pressure on the children. “I'd rather my kids have fun and get dirty, than stress about how much an outfit costs.” Another said: “Even if money’s no problem I’d rather spend the money on a holiday.”
When it came to shoes, however, many parents were willing to spend more money on a good and comfortable pair of shoes. I guess this might be because of the health aspect of having well supported feet.
Many also agreed on limiting the spend on clothes but then getting the occasional new and special item of clothing for their child. One of these special moments is the First Holy Communion where the kids get to dress up all smart and fancy. The girls especially.
The Holy Communion dress
The cost-clothes debate recently came up in a more amplified way when it came to picking a dress for the First Holy Communion. The various perspectives of parents come through here. Some want to “get the best” for their child and are happy to spend hundreds of euro on the perfect dress because this is a one-time special occasion.
Others would rather not spend a lot of money - because this is a one-time special occasion. Same reasoning, but the focus is on different words.
Also, some parents would rather pay to ensure their child is “special and unique” - and no one has a dress like theirs. Others are less bothered about this and just want a dress their child is happy with.
I’ve spoken to various parents. I realised that this is not just about affordability. There are many layers to the decision. Sometimes it’s about practicality. “I booked one of the first tries back in November… we did not look round and found a dress from there - very plain and simple, but not too cheap. But my daughter is not aware of this really. It was more for my convenience not to shop around.”
It’s also about the way people perceive clothing and how they perceive the event itself. To some people what they wear and what their children wear highlights the importance of the event. The more special an event, the more effort is made on the clothes. And in the mind of some people, effort includes spending money on a new, unique dress.
“This is about personality I think. I love things to be done properly. This is a special occasion which, to me, means dressing up my daughter in a special way: not just a nice dress, but also nice fabric,” said one mother who spent a couple of hundred euro on the dress. “This is not about wanting my child to be the best but, she is my only daughter, and I want the best for her. It’s not about other people either. I would never dream of boasting about the cost,” she said.
“It’s so sad that the children don’t realise that this event is not about a dress. I feel that a lot of children lose the meaning of what it’s all about.”
Uniqueness, however, is not always linked with big spending. Some parents were happy that their children would wear a dress worn by multiple cousins before them. A unique dress that cost them nothing - but upheld a family tradition for this important event.
One mother urged people to stop and think about the event. The First Holy Communion is a sacrament. It should not be about clothes, she said.
“It’s so sad that the children don’t realise that this event is not about a dress. I feel that a lot of children lose the meaning of what it’s all about. I’m trying to guide my daughter, to teach her that she does not need to have the most amazing, most expensive dress… I often see all this craziness about clothes and they are still so young. Later, when they grow, and start seeing things on social media things will get worse”.
This is something parents agreed on. While parents’ views differed on many points, they agreed that their child should not be made aware of the cost of their clothes. Because our young children are way too young to have this information - about cost. Because this information can lead to one of two things: the children worrying if they tear or stain their outfit, or to bragging. Both are not good things on little children, especially in an era of comparisons and social media.
Of course when it comes to spending money - be it on clothes, furniture, food or whatever - there is no right or wrong . Besides, not everyone has the luxury to decide how much to spend. This is all so personal and, thankfully, there are markets to cater for all options and needs - so that all children can feel special on this day. Special in their own eyes.