Dreams and fears: Thoughts sparked by the new year
Photo by Morgan Sessions on Unsplash
There is something about the new year approaching that wipes out reality. We are mentally projected into the new year and thoughts from that imagined future infiltrate our minds: both good and bad.
Not sure about you, but as the new year approaches I catch myself mapping out how I’m going to try to be better and find time for things that matter.
The typical list includes little things like: drink more water, read more, include more music into my life, wear the things I love, save more money, have the courage to change my hair colour (ever so slightly). Somehow at this time of year, the ‘zen version of me’ seems attainable. Memories of past failed resolutions are temporarily blurred by well…. hope.
Then other thoughts make it through the my-future-life time machine. And amongst the vision of an improved lifestyle and habits, a dose of fear seeps through. I’m talking about thoughts that include aging parents, fears of illnesses, or tragedies striking loved ones. The heavy stuff insomma.
I used to think that this was just me - since I work in a newsroom which means I’m super aware of all the tragedies that take place on the island. But the more I speak to people, the more I see I’m not alone.
So this is where a mental battle starts - between the ‘positive me’ (which many people know me for) and the ‘trembling me’ - the part that feels she will not be strong enough to face “reality”.
This year was filled with ups and downs. The ups were good. I managed to start this blog after so many years. I finally started dancing and I’m exercising regularly. There were many good moments. But there were huge losses too. Deep deep grief entered our lives. It’s tough. But it’s inevitable.
So as the ‘trembling me’ shakes more at me writing this, the ‘positive me’ stands up to try to restore some balance.
Maybe - just like the fear of fire and heights - this type of fear is there to protect us. We can not avoid life - which comes with ups and downs, light and dark, highs and lows. But what we can do is ensure we are doing all we can today to avoid regrets tomorrow.
In all honesty, I hate that these thoughts even cross my mind. (It started happening more after I became a mother and as time started passing and aging became tangible.)
But if there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that I’m not special. Which means that, if a thought crosses my mind, chances are it crossed many-a-mind. This is why - I believe - it’s important to talk about these thoughts. Perhaps this can help uncloud them.