Fading away. Confessions of an aging woman
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This post was written by a woman who preferred to remain anonymous. “I don’t want to hurt family and colleagues who might feel responsible for the way I feel,” she said. Woman Unclouded helped her put her thoughts into words. Anonymous posts appear as authored by ‘Everywoman’. This is what this ‘Everywoman’ had to say about her experience with aging:
I often feel as though I am fading away. On so many different levels.
I am a woman in my late 40s. I was never the life of the party. There was nothing ever extraordinary about my life. It was and still is very ordinary. I was always the type of person who blended in most of the time. The average school student in terms of height, academic achievements, and popularity. As I grew older I sort of blossomed. I got many comments about my looks and, more importantly, about my skills. I liked it. I felt empowered. I feel seen.
Life went on. I worked hard. Partied hard. Met my husband. Became a mother. Slowed down on my career to raise our children. In the beginning, it was fine. I loved it. I loved seeing our children grow. I loved the fact that “I was raising our children” and not leaving it up to nannas or nannies.
But then it hit me. Where had I gone? Where had the ‘me’ I once knew gone?
My looks started fading. My ambitions got diluted. My career slowed down. Even though I returned to the office after some time, I went back to a different reality than the one I once knew. Everyone around me was younger, more attractive, and more tuned in and more connected. I dipped in and out and struggled to make the strong connections I made in my pre-motherhood workplace.
“My looks started fading. My ambitions got diluted. My career slowed down. Even though I returned to the office after some time, I went back to a different reality than the one I once knew. Everyone around me was younger, more attractive, and more tuned in and more connected.”
I went back with a ‘mummy brain’ - the sort of multitasking brain that gets things done efficiently because of the constant race against time: to leave work on time to be there for the children. The sort of brain that struggles to hold a thought. The type of brain that gets distracted by a message from ‘the mummy chat’ , or a thought about ‘what to pack for school tomorrow’ in the middle of answering emails.
And as this happened - as the ability to focus became overcast by brain fog, I started to feel like I was fading away. What happened to that razor-sharp thinker? What happened to the woman who would get complimented daily? What happened to that woman who was once financially independent? Because my life choices did mean that my income dropped, which made me more dependent. Another contributor to that fading feeling.
My children are growing up now. They still need me, but I know that they will depend on me less and less. Where does that leave me? I want to remain relevant. I want to find myself again. I want to be seen. But most important I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see. And, what do I want to see? I want to see a confident woman who matters and who is present and living a conscious life, as opposed to just existing.
“Many mothers I know prioritise many things before themselves. Their needs fall to the bottom of the list after: children, partner, parents, work, friends. And as they move further and further down that list, they lose sight of who they are. They get blurred. The only way to “unblur'“ is to move up the list - to be able to, once again, see your own self-worth.”
The worst part of it all is that people around me pick up on this feeling. It resonates through my skin and makes me want to be even more invisible. This is why I have come to believe, and to understand that, when a mother makes decisions that are good for her, she is not being selfish. Many mothers I know prioritise many things above themselves. Their needs fall to the bottom of the list after: children, partner, parents, work, friends. And as they move further and further down that list, they lose sight of who they are. They get blurred.
The only way to “unblur'“ is to move up the list - to be able to, once again, see your own self-worth. To see that you deserve to keep growing as a person - whatever that means to you. Because if you stop growing, you start wilting.
If there is one thing that is now clear to me, it’s that I don’t want to continue fading away. And, you know what? The irony of it all is that, the more I feel ‘faded,’ the more I feel there is a lot I want to say. Now, more than ever, I feel opinionated and passionate about certain subjects.
Maybe this is it? Maybe it can be about being heard, before being seen. It’s a good start.
Ageism is real - an editorial note
Ageism, as defined by the World Health Organisation, refers to the stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel) and discrimination (how we act) towards others or oneself based on age.
“Ageism is everywhere: from our institutions and relationships to ourselves. For example, ageism is in policies that support healthcare rationing by age, practices that limit younger people’s opportunities to contribute to decision-making in the workplace, patronizing behavior used in interactions with older and younger people, and in self-limiting behavior, which can stem from internalized stereotypes about what a person of a given age can be or do,” according to WHO.
According to a recent study carried out by Women of Influence+, nearly 80 per cent of women are encountering ageism in the workplace. The study also shows that this is impacting their confidence.
Woman of Influence+ is a Canada-based leading global organisation committed to advancing gender equity in the workplace. It recently released its findings from its survey, “Exploring the Impact of Ageism on Women in the Workplace.” Conducted between January and February 2024, the survey received responses from more than 1,250 women across 46 countries, spanning various industries. The survey explores the nuances of ageism and its impact on women in the workplace.
“Ageism is overwhelmingly present in workplaces across the globe. According to the findings, nearly 80 per cent (77.8 per cent) of women surveyed have encountered age-related discrimination in their careers, underscoring ageism as a critical yet often overlooked barrier to professional growth,” according to Women of Influence+.
Share your views?
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