Here’s what I learnt when my daughter learnt to ride her bicycle
Photo by Thomas Park on Unsplash
The other day I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bicycle. And in the process - she taught me so much more.
It was a Sunday afternoon and it was just us two. She decided she wanted to play outside and try to ride her bicycle without stabilizers. She felt that she had outgrown the stabilizers. She had been trying to cycle without them, on and off, for a couple of months now.
But today was different. It’s like something clicked into place. She got on her bicycle. I ran with her for a few seconds, holding her bike from behind. Then I let her go.
Off she went.
She did it! She found her balance. When she stopped at the end of the road she had a beaming smile - that matched mine.
We were both overjoyed. We jumped with excitement.
We did this a couple of times and, each time, she kept her balance. Then she decided she wanted to learn how to start alone - without me giving her the push.
She tried many times. She was not managing. The joy she felt a few minutes earlier (when she found her balance) was quickly replaced by frustration. She wanted to manage - “now”. I recognised that feeling. I heard the words come out of my mouth: “You did very well today you should be proud of yourself.” I also told her: “Starting alone is the hardest part. You won’t learn in a few minutes. It will take time.”
As the words came out of my mouth - I realised that my daughter was not alone in learning a lesson here. I realised how the frustration I often feel, whenever I do not manage something new, is part of the process.
Something I came across a few months ago popped to mind: I was listening the the podcast Unlocking Us by American researcher, storyteller, and bestselling author Brene Brown and she spoke about the FFT - which stands for F***ing First Time. This is that awkward, uncomfortable and very often anxious-driven feeling we experience every time we do something for the first time. She suggests using TFT (Terrible First Time) when explaining this to children.
Brown talks about handling this feeling in three steps: “Normalise it” (realise this is normal), “put it into perspective” (this won’t last forever) and “reality-check expectations” (this will suck for a while, but will get better).
Meanwhile, while this was clicking into place in my mind - and the need to write this post started itching at me - my daughter wanted to keep trying. Despite the frustration of not managing. She wanted to keep trying.
Then it happened.
She fell. On her knee. She cried. I picked her up and told her she can take a break.
“No I want to keep trying,” she insisted with a blotchy face. She put on her knee pads and went back on the bicycle.
She continued trying. After a while it was time for us to go home. Had it been up to her, we would have stayed out till she managed.
I know she will.
(Update: In fact, by the end of the week… she was cycling solo.)
Some take-home thoughts
Sometimes we need a push until we find our balance. And that’s okay.
Celebrate the milestones and successes. Even the small ones. Don’t overlook them.
Learning and growing take time and work.
It’s okay to fall or fail. It’s part of the process - which you get to continue by standing up and trying again.
Uncomfortable feelings are part of life. Read them. Respect them. Then ride them.
Everything is an opportunity to grow and learn. Bloody knees are a lesson to wear knee pads.
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