Her Feel-Good Formula: Lorinda Mamo

For the past decade, creative entrepreneur Lorinda Mamo has been sharing her life journey with readers to offer inspiration and support. She started blogging when she became pregnant with her son Henry who was born in 2013 and diagnosed with Prune Belly Syndrome and Chronic Kidney Disease. When he was 15 months old she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Despite this the stories she shares ooze positivity and growth as she keeps pushing forward… into new adventures.

BODY - Physical health & image

Given that over the last 12 years, we have been faced with numerous medical issues, I try to make the best decisions when it comes to health. You never really appreciate how important health is until you and/ or a loved one are seriously ill. Still, I wouldn't consider myself the best person to give advice about being healthy, but I also think that society paints a misconstrued image of what healthy 'should be'.

For me, health goes hand in hand with lifestyle and we have to take this into consideration while trying to balance everything. Going for early morning walks and a circuit workout session makes me feel healthy, but equally, so does being able to have the time and peace of mind to sit and have a coffee in quiet.

I love my walks and workouts but I don't always manage to fit them into my day. If I slept late the night before because my son was unwell or I was working late, it would be counterproductive to get up at 5am to stress my body more and I am okay with that too.

When it comes to food, I always prefer to eat clean, but you'll also find me enjoying fried chicken. It was not easy to accept that it's okay to make adjustments when necessary because I always thought healthy was either you are or you're not - but over the years I learned to make healthy choices every chance I cam, so when I am not able to, it's perfectly fine.

Upkeep

Before I had my son, taking care of my 'upkeep' was always important. It stemmed from my childhood and upbringing and my mother always making sure we were well dressed, tidy hair, clean shoes etc, etc... but after I had my son, this was no longer a priority, and not because I had a child, but because his medical needs were 100% priority for me.

So while I did the basic 'maintenance', I wasn't concerned with my hair, nails, skin, etc. These days, when I have to give my son all my attention if he is unwell or in the hospital I end up feeling drained and eventually run down and I have had to learn to do little things for my upkeep in those times and even those little things help.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, it was another blow. I was already trying not to lose my identity as a person, while becoming a new mom to a medically complex child and all that brings with it, I was now losing myself in another way. I eventually lost my hair, but the hardest cosmetic issue I had was losing my brows and lashes.

Chemo is very harsh on the body and skin so I tried to do my best to care for my skin by researching good products. These days I really appreciate my upkeep and I love getting my nails done, I book my regular haircut and I have time to experiment a bit more with makeup.

I have even had time for spray tan, laser hair removal, cavitation and even lash extensions a few times - things I wanted to do but were not a priority. A few years back I even managed to get my brows done - something that I had wanted to do since they thinned out with chemo. I'd love to do them again ... eventually.

There is also a lot of hype about med-aesthetic treatments like facelifts and botox, and I am curious about them but I am thinking that I want to try to hold off until I turn 50 - who knows? I may do it before, or I may opt not to. I think we need to find what works for us as individuals. Regular appointments are also medical appointments which are also an important part of my upkeep.

Another form of upkeep are the supplements I take. As I get older, my body is changing. I am also on medication that requires me to be in induced menopause so that has created another new dynamic in upkeep and this is where supplements have helped.

Wardrobe

Clothes that suit my body shape always make me feel good. But this question is very relative to the day and how I am feeling. There are days I feel great in a dress and days I will feel good in a cropped top and jeans. I don't plan my wardrobe but I am very particular and picky with style and clothes I own.

When I shop I always look for good quality fabrics and things that I think I will wear year after year, not just one season - in fact I still wear clothes from my teens and 20s because when the garments are well made, they last longer and you get a lot more wear. When I no longer wear something, I will either alter it to be able to wear it or I will give it away. Since I usually always stick with a particular style of clothing it is also easy to mix and match to create different outfits.

I have always tried to be in tune with what is happening in my body. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I found the lump by chance and I was very lucky that I did, because I didn't feel anything other than the lump I found - accidentally. Then I went through a phase of ‘everything I felt was cancer’ and it was mentally draining, especially alongside caring for my medically complex child.

I also learned the worst thing to do is google anything! These days, I keep up with regular checkups, take my medications and supplements and when I feel something I am unsure of, I tell myself that no amount of stress or panic will change it and I make the necessary appointment with whatever doctor to check it. I do what needs to be done straight away.

While it is hard to take care of yourself when you have little children, it is harder to take care of them if you are unwell so I do what needs to be done to stay well. Another aspect of body image is also the way I talk about myself and how I portray how I feel about my body in front of my son. Due to his condition, he has a very distended tummy, and while I tried everything to empower him and accept his difference, one comment from a child at school tore him down.

I also see the stares and glares when he is shirtless at the beach so I am very careful with how I show what I think and feel about my own body. He actually helps me appreciate my body more because I know that it will continue to be a struggle for him to accept his differences.

MIND - Work & mental health

Before Henry was born, I had already started paving the way for me to be self employed to be able to have a little more flexibility for motherhood. As you have probably guessed, things didn't go to plan.

We had already started our own creative advertising agency but we ended up losing all of that as I just couldn't manage caring for Henry and myself and going to the office, not to mention being self-employed takes an incredible amount of work and thought and focus: and I had none left.

We lost a lot, even our car had gotten crashed into while it was parked during my husband's night shift after university. He was doing everything to try to make ends meet, because bills don't care what health issues you're going through, they still need to be paid and we were struggling with one blow after another.

“I have been put through a few difficult tests over the years and I have learned to give myself the time and space to handle my mental health.”

The car was material, but we had regular hospital appointments with my son (1-2 times a week) and this was very hard without a car. Once things were at the very bottom and I realised that the anger and resentment of everything was nothing I could control, I started to try to change my mindset and that helped me believe in myself to create something that not only made me happy but also returned happiness back into the world.

These days, what I do every day actually helps my mental space because creativity is part of my everyday life. Creativity has really been incredible for my sanity and mental well-being. I have been put through a few difficult tests over the years and I have learned to give myself the time and space to handle my mental health.

It all takes work - staying in a positive mind frame and picking yourself up when things are hard and dark. What I find really helps is embracing the bad days and making peace with the days that are hard, because I know better days happen and are possible, so I give the bad feelings time too.

There is an analogy I like to use and it helped me explain to Henry too: our mind is like a garden, and like an actual garden, if the environment is right, beautiful flowers will bloom but no matter what there will always be a weed that will grow and in our mind, the bad thoughts are like weeds and can grow very quickly. But these weeds are normal and they happen, and that's okay, you can let them grow, but then you need to pluck them out before they take over the garden. Once you remove them, you make more room for the beautiful flowers to grow and bloom again.

Work

My work varies every single day - and I like it this way. Some of the things I do: planning craft sessions, organising the learners, booking the sessions, creating prototypes, being on social media, creating content for brands and companies with things I use and like in my everyday life, but also picking up a paintbrush or sander and doing DIY projects in our cafe.

Not only is this all my work but it is my life as it all melts into each other. My husband has come to help in the cafe and Henry is always with us.... his job is just being a kid, and I am happy we can all be together. This was always important to me as I don't have a support system, I worked hard (very hard) to create a work situation where I am happy doing my work and where he has the opportunity to be involved and can be present.

“I worked hard (very hard) to create a work situation where I am happy doing my work and where he has the opportunity to be involved and can be present.”

This situation also gives me the flexibility to be able to drop everything when he is unwell and needs to go to the hospital or all the doctors’ visits and tests he does. I often feel the pressure and stress to get things done and it's not always easy but at the end of the day I always ask if I did what I set out to do on that day with any other circumstances that took place, and I know that I did what I could.

The same building where my cafe and event space is also houses my creative studio and it is where many of my ideas come to life. This space helps me relax as it's come to be a quiet retreat too. Apart from that, I love being and doing anything around the sea. I would love to be able to travel again, but with Henry they need to be short breaks as he requires a lot of medications and supplies that would make long trips very complicated.

HEART - Relationships & connections

Relationships take work to maintain. Relationships when there is illness involved is another level of tough. Some relationships become stronger and some don't cope. I have friends who have come and gone over the years, not because of what happened but because the paths no longer match or coincide.

Some friends have seen me through all the tough times and while we don't see each other often I know they are the ones I can count on when I need them. I found friendships tough since I moved to Malta as I didn't have my school friends clique that many seem to have and stay connected to, so for me it's been people I have met over the years that have either remained in my life or were part of my life for a time.

My family is also quite tight-knit and while we also don't meet up often because we all have very different commitments, we know we are there. When it comes to my marriage - this has been a struggle on so many levels because of all the stress of illness. I learned that all we did was take it out on each other.

It took me a while to understand but when we are deep in an argument or disagreement I like to stop and think if it is us or the situation - and 9/10 it's the situation. This all takes work and internal thinking and analysing. We still have a lot to work on because we have all been through different forms of trauma - and those wounds are deep.

My relationship with my son is also a struggle because he is a child who has had to learn a lot and grow up very quickly due to all the experiences he's had to endure and been faced with. Having to make sure he keeps up with medications and treatments and fluid intake has also put a strain on our relationship and while he knows that I love him more than anything he resents me for 'making him' take his medicines and not letting him be a child, and this is over and above the usual outbursts and disagreements a child goes through like homework and taking a bath.

It's not easy to navigate it all and while it's been so very tough on my heart and mind, all of it has made me the person I am - actually helped bring out the real me and appreciate life and the little things so much, because I know how fragile we are and I try to make the most of every day in the capacity I can.

Life in general keeps me going: the new projects and exciting things that I have planned for HappyPlay Co and Kin CafeBar. I feel motivated every day because I know how fast it can all change. Seeing Henry grow and become the person he is becoming despite everything he went through - that motivates me too and to show him that even though we've all been through so much we try not to give up.

I keep going to show him that despite the adversity of it all, we can still create a happy life.

Follow adventures and stories on the following socials

@abirdwithafrenchfry_ Where I share our everyday stuff, fun stuff and what's happening in our day to day.
@happyplayco My brand of everything happy and the importance of play and creativity for both children and adults. I create products, services and events that focus on play and happiness.
@kincafebar The new cafe bar event space (also HappyPlay Co’s headquarters).

What is ‘Her Feel-Good Formula’?

Think of life as having three pillars of happiness: body, mind and heart. Body is about physical wellbeing that includes health and beauty-related routines. Mind is about work and maintaining mental wellbeing. Heart is about our emotional connections with family and friends.

Because every person is different, there is no one magic feel-good formula. But, by sharing our formulas, we can help and inspire others.