‘I don’t need a husband’. The truth about single women in Malta.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
Whenever Helen goes to a wedding, she is bombarded with comments about “what a pity” it is that she is still single. When Antonia, who lives abroad, comes to visit family in Malta her parish priest tries to matchmake her.
Friends and relatives often dish out unwanted advice to them - about how to find a husband.
They were amongst the single women who (anonymously) shared their experiences as part of a dissertation entitled I’m not a Typical Maltese Woman: Stories of Single Women and the Contingency of the Single Status in Malta authored by Ramona Cuschieri to obtain her Masters of Gender Studies at the University of Malta. (The degree is offered on a part-time basis)
In her work, Ramona highlights how single women in Malta often feel like society looks at them “with pitiful eyes” - as though they are “broken” - when in most cases this is their choice.
According to the most recent 2021 Census, there are almost 40,000 single women in Malta over 30. The Census notes that out of the total population of 519,500 – of who 214,800 are female - the total single women over 16 stood at 74,000. 108,200 women are either married or in a civil union, while 15,700 women are separated or divorced.
“Some women refuse to settle. They prefer to be independent and live alone rather than conform because others want them to.”
Ramona’s study shed light, for the first time, on the reality of these thousands of women who are single.
Her research showed that being a single woman in Malta can be tough – not so much because of the whole living alone factor – but mainly because society expects women to couple up - even if that means settling for someone out of convenience.
But some women refuse to settle. They prefer to be independent and live alone rather than conform because others want them to. As they pick an independent way of life, they are free to follow their dreams and have more time to dedicate to their aspirations.
And, while admitting that living alone and not having a life partner can get lonely, some single women spoke about how they were often penalised further for their choice – especially when it came to the financial part of life.
“Our society is beginning to recognise different forms of intimate relationships, families and living arrangements, and this dissertation is important to show women who remain single, embody an alternative possibility and choice to having children and a family.”
Single women find it harder to get a home loan and feel left out when it comes to work-place ‘perks’ reserved for ‘mothers’ – such as the option to work from home.
The 2021 dissertation sought to fill a research gap into the realities of single women in Malta, while providing insight into the real lives and the lived experiences of single Maltese women.
“The research also strives to provide an understanding of the struggles and the challenges the participants face with regard to society's expectations such as societal acceptance, biases and stereotypes which as single women, they might have encountered and still encounter,” Ramona writes.
In order to achieve her goal, Ramona carried out in-depth interviews with eight single women as well as three experts in the field.
She also provided her own personal experience - as a single woman by choice - which, she confesses, was the reason why she wanted to delve deeper into the subject.
“There is not enough knowledge and recognition for this status in our society. Our society is beginning to recognise different forms of intimate relationships, families and living arrangements, and this dissertation is important to show women who remain single, embody an alternative possibility and choice to having children and a family,” she says.
Being single: two sides of the coin
One of the strongest themes that emerged was that, while the women interviewed recognised that being single was not always a choice, they were better off being alone than with the wrong person.
In most cases, their decision was the result of the way dysfunctional relationships, personal and impersonal, influenced what they envisioned for themselves and even more so affected the way they perceived marriage.
The women also spoke about the dilemmas, the stigma, the judgment and discrimination they faced in their everyday lives, especially during social gatherings that highlighted their single status.
“Overall, the single Maltese women perceive singlehood as a positive experience albeit at times muddling. The in-depth accounts of the positive aspects of being single include freedom in terms of decision-making, choice of social activities and living their lives as they pleased - conducive to human growth and self-fulfilment,” the study notes.
“As in everything, this life choice comes with challenges that include feeling sad, feeling invisible, missing out on activities they love to do but find hard to do alone – like dining out in restaurants - and financial fears.”
The findings highlighted, that not being in a matrimonial relationship grants these single women more free time and consequently allows them to be more mobile, flexible and happy to follow their aspirations.
As in everything, this life choice comes with challenges that include feeling sad, feeling invisible, missing out on activities they love to do but find hard to do alone – like dining out in restaurants - and financial fears: Maltese single women are being discriminated upon by housing policies, workers and banks because they are women and single.
Most of the women still desired some form of connection, even if not marriage. When it came to motherhood and whether they wished, still wish, or regret, none of the women felt excluded and had their maternal needs met by their nieces and nephews and friends’ children.
With regards to the support structures which the women in this study embraced when it comes to advice, guidance, and emotional support, while some go to their family, others prefer to speak to friends and colleagues.
But, on the whole, living independently gave these single women freedom, a feeling of self-worth, autonomy and emotional, financial and domestic independence.
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