The cost of ‘looking our best’

Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash

Every so often I tell myself: this week I’ll make more of an effort to look my best.

I start the week planning my work outfit the night before. I make an effort to blow-dry my hair rather than sleep on damp hair. I apply clear nail polish (as chips on coloured nail polish show up a few hours after the first application) and I spend a little bit more time applying my eyeliner in the morning.

It works. What I mean is - I go to work and feel good about myself.

Until… I go to the bathroom, mid-morning and look in the mirror and see that my eyeliner somehow managed to create a panda shadow which I try to wipe clean. This extra effort typically lasts a maximum of three days. By Thursday morning the routine rush takes over: In the morning I grab a familiar outfit out of my wardrobe, the glossy layer on my nails is mostly matted due to the invisible chipping, I revert to my fast-eyeliner version (which still smudges).

I am left wondering: how do they do it?

I’m talking about those women who seem to keep up with everything: perfect hair, manicured nails and make-up that remains in place all day. They are always looking their best. But what I admire most is that they exude a sense of confidence and a feeling of I-am-comfortable-in-my-own-skin.

I admire these women. And the reason for this goes deeper than make-up and a blow dry.

But before I move forward with explaining what I mean, allow me to take a step back.

Money, time and desire

‘Looking good’ – which most importantly results in ‘feeling good’ -  takes work… and the older you grow, the more demanding it gets and the more  a woman may feel she needs it. It takes money (or skill if you can dye your own hair, blow dry it, do your own nails etc), time (that comes with the skill of time management) and the desire to do it, backed up with the commitment to follow through.

All three are not to be taken lightly.

Let’s start with the cost. I asked some people who work in the industry how much it costs a woman each month to keep up with the basic “routine” maintenance – the most common things at the moment being: Hair care (weekly blow dries and monthly root touch-up), nails and eyebrows. Of course, prices vary across salons but, let’s go with an average: The monthly root touch-up and blow dry costs about €40 with regular blow-dries adding another €15 a week. When it comes to nails that will cost about €25 a month and eyebrows will cost anything between €10 and €20 a month. Then there is laser hair removal that can add up to hundreds of euro over time.

“I’ve had many conversations with women who feel they “should” make more of an effort, women who feel under-groomed compared to others around them. And this bothers me.”

Apart from the cost there is the time for the appointments. And with time comes the logistics: when to fit in the appointments in a busy work week and, in the case of mothers, what to do with the kids.

Thirdly there is the desire to do the whole maintenance routine and the commitment to do it.  Now this is key. And I think this is what it all boils down to – and the reason why I am writing this post – because I’ve had many conversations with women who feel they “should” make more of an effort, women who feel under-groomed compared to others around them. Depending on my mood, and hormonal situation and confidence levels, sometimes I can be one of those women.

And this bothers me.

Looking deeper

Let’s face it, comparisons are odious, but they are real. And the pressure on a woman to ‘look her best’ is another brick on the pile of expectations on women - together with have a career, become a mother, raise your children, be successful.

It all boils down to why, as women, we are choosing to look our best.  Some women love it and can afford it financially and time-wise. The end result is positive: they feel good.

Also admirable are those women who simply don’t want to bother with most, if not all, of the beauty drill and are happy the way they are. They too feel good.  

But then there are some who feel they should be doing more but cannot – either because they don’t have the money or time – and they feel bad about themselves. These are the women bearing the weight of expectation.

“The reason why some women are “letting themselves go” may be because they need someone to catch them…”

These are the ones who are hurt when they are told they should look after themselves more – because on some level they want to but can’t.

I have had many conversations with such women and I have seen that the reason why some women are “letting themselves go” may be because they need someone to catch them – to realise they are struggling, to realise they need time for themselves.  

I’m not saying that a trip to the hairdresser will fix the problems of a woman who is struggling. What I’m saying is that feeling good is an important part of wellbeing – as is releasing ourselves from the expectations that weigh us down. This is not easy.

But this is why this is not a superficial subject. The ‘beauty’ created by hair dye, nails, eyebrows or whatever treatment, may be skin deep – but what we need to stop and think about is what is happening underneath that skin. It’s not about looking good… it’s about feeling good.

It’s about being happy.