Dreaming about an ex? Relax, it’s not what you think
Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash
Have you ever woken up from a dream wondering why and how on earth you dreamt about a person from the past?
A long-lost friend, an old teacher... or an ex? In the case of the latter, you might even feel a bit guilty for dreaming about a past love. It feels as though you are dream-cheating on your partner.
But, is there a reason to feel this way?
According to psychotherapist Edward Callus, the answer is a clear: no. And he explains why. “When we dream of something, all the objects and people in the dream are our projections. That is, they don’t necessarily refer to that person or object specifically. It may also refer to memories which need processing and can be triggered by similar memories or experiences. Did that person have specific characteristics which, in some way, are relevant now? Did something happen which triggered this memory?” he says.
Basically, he explains, dreams are not necessarily about the people we see in them – that person is a vessel of our emotions. When it comes to the dream world, what we see is not real – but the emotions are real and telling us something.
“Dreams are not necessarily about the people we see in them – that person is a vessel of our emotions. When it comes to the dream world, what we see is not real – but the emotions are real and telling us something.”
So if, for example, you have an argument with your friend or partner and dream about an ex, that ex – who you may have had issues with – could represent the ‘anger’ you are feeling.
Callus adds that, “in the end, only the person who created that dream can fully explore it and determine the true meaning of it. But what’s for sure is that dreaming about an ex does not mean there is still some romantic feeling buried somewhere. It could be a feeling of nostalgia about the passing of time, or a number of things.”
The person from our past – in this case, the ex – could represent past experiences, perhaps a projection of a part of ourselves we miss. Callus notes that dreaming about people from our past is very common because of the way we all process experiences.
“Clearly in a dream, our defences are lowered so our instincts emerge. However, it is not the only thing which occurs. The content could be less relevant than how we felt in the dream. So there is nothing to feel guilty about. Besides, even if there would be residual feelings or attractions, it is what you do with those feelings, and how you act on them, that makes the difference. We have to be judged on what we take responsibility to act on.”
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