I just want to dance
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
For years I’ve been feeling it now - an urge to dance.
Let me rewind.
I never danced in my life. As in, I never went to actual dance classes. The only dancing I ever did was in nightclubs, weddings, office staff parties, etc. And I love the feeling. Of letting go. Of feeling the beat of the music bubbling through my veins. Of moving to the beat. It is pure freedom.
My experience with informal dance started with childhood: dancing in my bedroom to loud music. Back then, as a young child, dancing at birthday parties meant jumping up and down and twirling. During the teens and later years I learnt a couple of more coordinated moves - which I perfected during solo dance sessions in my room, inspired by MTV music videos and Non è la Rai.
So now that I had ‘the moves’, there was something else blocking me. I was paralyzed by self-awareness and shyness. These are feelings that make you hold back. You have to be dragged into the dance floor - not because you don’t want to dance, but because you are shy. A few glasses of wine help of course, as does the right company.
With time this changed. The shyness faded away to some extent. It became easier to step onto the dance floor and head straight into the heart of the party. In more recent years dancing does not happen much. The wedding season is over and parties were replaced by lunches and dinners - and playdates.
But something lingers. As I mentioned, now that I’m in my 40s I have been haunted by the urge to dance. Properly. I would love to go to dance classes for adults and learn to dance. Nothing too elaborate. I don’t want to become a dancing star. I don’t want to take part in concerts. I want to have fun. I want to feel the music. I want to let go.
This is something I want to do for me.
“I would love to go to dance classes for adults and learn to dance. Nothing too elaborate. I don’t want to become a dancing star. I don’t want to take part in concerts. I want to have fun. I want to feel the music. I want to let go.”
So the other day I messaged a dance studio to ask about adult beginner classes. I was thrilled to hear that they offer adult dance lessons…. for people over 16. Ouch!
I started imagining myself at dance lessons with a group of flexible, energetic teens or 20-year-olds. I realised that the insecurities I thought I was rid of are still there - not as ‘gone’ as I thought.
I’d like to be with other women like me. And by that I mean my age - plus or minus a decade. I want to go to a place where I feel good about myself and, deep down, I am scared to put myself in a place that will make me feel stiff and old. Silly, perhaps. But true.
So I’ve been asking around. The fact that I’m writing this is my way of reaching out to understand if there are others who like me - just want to dance. I know, I know -we need to find the time. Find someone to keep the kids, work around extracurriculars etc, etc.
It’s not easy. But perhaps there is a way for us to just dance. Because adults must be allowed to dream too. For now I might have to go back to childhood ways and use my room.